Peterborough Kids Magazine

Rites of Passage
A girl’s coming of age is a reason for celebration, not shame.
by Louise Racine

Rites of passage have been celebrated by many cultures throughout history. They are generally held to mark the transition from one life stage to another – birth, adulthood, death and the various phases in between. The way these events are recognized differs from culture to culture. Certain traditions have religious origins, such as baptisms and bar mitzvahs, while others are secular. In some societies, rites of passage may be intense and prolonged, and can include a period of seclusion from the community with personal challenges to overcome. However, rites do not have to be dramatic or severe to be effective.

The doorstep to adolescence

While we do celebrate many events in today’s society, we don’t commonly refer to them as rites of passage. Nor do we acknowledge certain milestones as our ancestors may have done. For instance, rites of passage for young boys and girls who are entering puberty are not commonly celebrated. And yet, as the doorstep to adolescence – the beginning of many tumultuous years of insecurity, freedom, self-expression and personal responsibility – it’s an opportunity to embrace traditions that might help smooth this transition.

A rites of passage celebration to mark this milestone can have lasting and positive effects on young adults. For girls, puberty is usually defined by their first moon cycle or menstruation, which nowadays does not necessarily coincide with becoming a teenager because more girls mature at a younger age. Although it is difficult to predict when first menstruation will actually happen, moms may want to take steps to prepare for the changes that are about to occur. Time together away from day-to-day demands and other distractions is important.

Significance of ritual

As with most celebrations, the occasion may include a ceremony or ritual of some sort – perhaps decorating a talking stick to be used to share feelings and concerns, a creative activity like making each other a piece of jewelry,a feast of favourite foods, or even lighting a candle, having lunch together, or giving a commemorative gift. The key is that moms acknowledge that their little girls are growing up while daughters come to understand that mothers want to share and honour this experience.

Another way to celebrate is a planned getaway for mom and daughter to allow them to focus on what this transition means for both of them. A rites of passage retreat is a place where mom and daughter can explore in greater depth what this next life phase is all about. Being together in a safe and comfortable space and sharing this time with other mothers and daughters further affirms the significance of this event. A young mom who has participated in a rites of passage retreat recently described it as “a powerful experience – full of love and sharing.” For her, it fostered openness and a more mature and respectful dialogue with her daughter.

Transition for mom and daughter

A rites of passage ceremony should be a celebration that both mothers and daughters will remember for the rest of their lives. The idea is to make this an event that honours the gift and beauty of womanhood and all that entails. A girl’s experience leading up to, and on the occasion of, her first moontime will set the stage for every month for as long as her cycle continues and willalso have an impact on her own daughters’ experience. Many of us remember our own experience as one cloaked in secrecy, shame and embarrassment and want something different for the next generation.A young girl may also choose to celebrate her coming of age in some special way with friends and other important adult women in her life. She may want to keep it fairly private or she may wish to have a party with a few close girlfriends. Fortunately, there are many resources available for moms and girls that offer support and ideas on how to make this important event a very meaningful and empowering one.

Louise Racine operates Thirteen Moons Retreat near Norwood. For more info on programs go to www.thirteenmoons.ca.