As parents, we try to model the right behaviours for our kids. But we may not realize that our words are just as powerful as our actions. What we say can affect the way kids think, what they believe, and how they act towards others. By being increasingly mindful of our word choices, we can reinforce the positive messages in our actions, ultimately helping us to parent more successfully.

Politeness still in fashion
Our local school principal's office wall holds a poster that reads, "Words have a life of their own...think before you speak" - a far cry from our parents' schoolyard singsong, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." Adults know how hurtful malicious words can be, but children need to learn this explicitly.

Choosing and using positive words and openly discussing those that are inappropriate is an ideal way to sensitize kids to their everyday language use. Politeness is never out of fashion: using respectful language with our children while eliminating harmful words like "stupid" encourages thoughtfulness, consideration and self-respect. Try to:

Reorient your sentences
By switching around the way we say things, we can avoid conflicts with our kids and teach them how to avoid conflicts with others. For instance, instead of blaming others for things that happen, show your child you take responsibility for your own actions by using "I" statements. Teach them how to do the same thing. For example, saying, "I want my truck back," instead of, "He took my truck," helps them to take responsibility for their own feelings, actions and words, while diffusing possible power struggles.

Making neutral observations such as, "the milk spilled, it needs to be tidied" rather than "you spilled the milk; you better clean up the mess you made", focuses on the facts rather than the blame. Validating feelings with brief remarks like, "Oh, I see", rather than interrogating with "why" maintains an open communication pathway. And keeping instructions positive, clear and brief - asking for what you want rather than what you don't want - is particularly effective with younger children and kids with learning challenges or attention issues.Consider this:

Keep it positive
The easiest way to attract beneficial outcomes for ourselves and our children - whether at home, school, or with friends - is to focus on the positive and stay open to the possibility of change. Consider altering a definitive statement such as, "My daughter isn't good at math" to a more open-ended approach, "My daughter is working hard to improve her math skills."
Similarly, enable your children to break away from their established family roles. Even good labels like "the smart one in the family" can pigeon-hole a child prematurely and set them up for future failure. Your beliefs are at the root of what you say, and your words make those beliefs a reality for your children. Therefore, keeping an open mind about who they are and what they are capable of achieving makes all good things possible for them. Try to:

Be mindful of your language
Consistently using appropriate language in conjunction with constructive modelling of behaviours enables us to parent our children more effectively. It also teaches our kids to take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions, ultimately empowering them to create positive daily experiences for themselves.

Sasha Korper is the resource facilitator in Northumberland for the Learning Disabilities Association of Peterborough. She lives in Cobourg with her husband, two daughters, two cats and a fish.