Saying Goodbye to Glory
Helping your child deal with grief when a pet dies.
by Theresa Rickerby

“Dear Glory: I hope you are feeling better. We are getting a new dog soon. Her name is Bella. Love, Raya.”

Our three-year old daughter wrote this sweet yet funny note the day our beloved dog Glory died. It made us laugh and showed us that although Raya missed Glory, she wasn’t afraid to love again. We buried her note with Glory and placed the stones and flowers that Raya had gathered on Glory’s grave. The ritual helped us all to begin healing. We still talk about Glory and Raya dreams happily about her all the time. Raya’s first experience with death was not scary; she’d learned that death is a very real part of the natural world.

Animals are the great teachers. From their lives, our children learn the valuable lessons of responsibility, devotion, trust and unconditional love. And from their deaths, our children can learn about the cycle of life, the rituals surrounding death, and how to deal with grief and loss. The death of a pet allows parents to discuss with their children what it means to die and to ensure that their (usually) first experience with death is a healthy one.

Prepare kids in advance

The death of a cherished pet can create a sense of loss for the whole family. While adults go through the typical stages of grief – denial, sadness, depression, guilt, anger, and recovery – the reactions of children will depend upon their age and maturity level and their ability to understand death.

If possible, prepare your children for your pet’s death. Talking openly about your pet’s health condition and diagnosis can help alleviate undue stress and fear. It gives your children time to say anything to, or do anything with, their pet that is important to them. It also gives parents insight into how their children are dealing with the concept of death.

Very young children (infants and preschoolers) may not understand the concept of death, but they are very aware of the tension and change in emotional state of those around them. Reassure them frequently with touch and comforting words.

Many children under the age of seven do not understand that death is permanent and you will need to explain to them that the pet will not wake up or come home. Do not try to hide a pet’s illness or death from your children. Trying to protect them from a pet’s death may cause them to feel abandoned or betrayed, and takes away their right to say good-bye. Let them know it is okay to ask questions and feel sad.

Most children between the ages of seven and twelve understand the permanence of death. It is these children that often experience the five stages of grief we are familiar with. It is extremely important to encourage your children to talk freely about how they are feeling. Parents will need to start the dialogue and share their own feelings. Looking at photos and sharing stories are good ways to start the conversation. If a child has difficulty expressing himself verbally – as many adolescents do – encourage him to express his grief through art, music or the written word.

Celebrate your pet’s life

Saying goodbye to your pet as a family can help your children to express their grief, which in turn helps them to heal more quickly. Encourage your children to come up with ideas for celebrating the life of their pet. Marking the passing of a pet with a funeral can provide the necessary closure needed to move on.

Glory’s death created a great sense of loss for our whole family. We found solace in each other and in our memories and in the knowledge that dogs live in the moment and do not fear death. We wished Glory well on her journey and thanked her for the great gifts that she brought to us.

Theresa Rickerby is a co-owner of All Creatures Great and Small in Cobourg and Peterborough.