Net Proofing Your Family
A parent’s guide to keeping kids safe on the Internet.
Rob Stringer

As parents, we continually acquire new skills to keep our kids safe. First we learned how to “child-proof”, then to “street-proof”. But have you “net-proofed” your family? Although the internet provides access to quality information and resources, the same number of keystrokes can also bring forth ideas and images our kids should never have to face.

While it’s impossible to eliminate all risks associated with internet use, they can be drastically reduced through active parenting. By educating our families about potential dangers and implementing structures to support “safe surfing”, we can limit our family’s exposure to inappropriate material. We can also ensure our kids are better prepared to face potentially negative content or situations. It all begins with an understanding of the risks.

Knowing the Risks

The internet has many faces: email, the world-wide web, instant messaging, file sharing, and now blogging. The first step is to ensure our family understands the associated risks and knows how to avoid them.

The most common element of risk involves divulging personal information. Regardless of age, our kids need to understand the importance of privacy and should be strongly urged not to share personal details online. Doing so could potentially jeopardize both personal safety and finances.

Privacy Tips

• Teach your kids never to give out personal information on a website without your permission. This could include a full name, address, school, age, and certainly any financial details like a credit card number.

• Keep "blogs" private. If your teen decides to start a blog (a form of online journal), ask if it has a "friends" list, controlling who can view the blog. Discuss the importance of only adding people your child knows and trusts.

• Be careful about photographs. Many teens and "tweens" want to show off their faces and bodies. Have a conversation with your older children and actively discourage them from sending nude or suggestive photos. What might seem like harmless fun today could come back to haunt them years later. Need a photo for an online profile? Consider substituting clip-art.

• Protect your email addresses. Teach your kids not to give them out to people they do not know or trust. Posting email addresses on a blog or website could invite spamming or inappropriate email.

• Learn the lingo. Try to get a handle on the terms and codes used by teens online. According to a recent study by NetSmartz.org, 95% of parents couldn't identify common chat room lingo that teenagers use to warn people they are chatting with their parents watching– including POS (Parent over shoulder) and P911 (Parent alert). To learn more, use your favourite search engine and type in “blog or chat room lingo parent’s guide” and many helpful sites will appear.

Another key risk for kids is accidentally accessing inappropriate material. Inappropriate material could include images or offensive commentary. According to a study by The London School of Economics, nine out of 10 children between the ages of 8 and 16 have accessed pornography on the Internet. In most cases, kids stumble upon these sites while searching for information that is homework-related. How can this be avoided?

Inappropriate Content Tips

• Have younger kids use kid-friendly search engines and directories. These automatically filter out inappropriate content via family-filtering software or human editors. (Examples: Yahooligans.com, AJKids.com)

• Use bookmarks. Parents can check out a site first, then "bookmark it" or create a shortcut on the desktop. This cuts down the risk of a mistyped web address (URL) or having to search the web.

• Teach your kids how to avoid hype and misinformation. There are great sites to teach your family how to evaluate the validity of sites, including www.mediaawareness.ca.

• Make use of filtering/blocking software. This can monitor sites, email, and usage (time) for you. Many Internet Service Providers (ISPs) have filtering available to block out inappropriate email. You can also purchase software for your computer to do the same thing.

Structuring for Success

Here are some additional things parents can do to suppport “safe surfing”.

• Be there or be close. Moving the computer into a child's room may seem like a good idea, but it can lead to trouble. Absolute privacy can encourage normally responsible children to take risks they may not otherwise consider, especially in the company of peers. Consider moving the computer into the family room or another often accessed part of your house. Higher traffic will help to discourage inappropriate surfing or curiosity. Note: If screens are changed quickly as you enter a room, this may be a sign something is going on.

• Design a family "acceptable use policy". Just as you set limits in other areas of your kids' lives, consider defining acceptable behaviour while on the family computer(s). Topics may include: the type or sites/material accessed, the amount of time spent on line, when and where they can use a computer (only at home, when you are home, etc.) and rules around sharing personal information (including photos and images via web cams!).

• Teach your kids never to open or respond to email from people they do not know. Many viruses are spread by hoax emails – some are quite convincing. When in doubt, kids should leave it and show an adult, or delete it without opening.

• Discourage file sharing. Swapping photos, games, music and other files online can easily spread viruses. If you do allow file sharing, ensure you have up-to-date anti-virus software running at all times.

• Teach your kids to avoid strangers. Just as you don't encourage your kids to roam the streets and talk to strangers, you should teach them to avoid online equivalents.

• Share family email accounts. Consider having younger children use a shared family email account. As your kids get older, they can move to private accounts.

• Teach your kids about copyright. Using someone else's words or pictures could result in a failing grade or even jail time.

Keep the Lines Open

When things do go wrong (and they will), you want to ensure your kids will come to you. Sadly, according to a report by The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, approximately one in five children (aged 10-17) received a sexual solicitation over the Internet in the last year. Of those, only one quarter told a parent. So, how do you keep the lines open?

• Encourage your child to show/tell you about inappropriate email. Spam and pornographic images/content can and should be reported to your ISP or even the authorities. (See the CyberTip.ca listing in the resources section.)

• Don’t over-react. Try to stay calm, and focus on the valuable lessons you can learn through talking about it. If your child inadvertently accesses inappropriate materials, thank him/her for bringing it to your attention and discuss how/why it was inappropriate. If you discover your child has been involved in inappropriate activity, resist the urge to lecture. A two-way discussion is a better choice. Acknowledge your child’s feelings and reasoning, but then discuss the potential hazards associated with such activities.

• Teach your kids how to respond to situations that make them uncomfortable. According to a 2001 study, one quarter of young Canadian Internet users (25%) say that someone has emailed them material that said hateful things about others. Kids should not respond to messages that frighten or offend. Teach them to tell an adult right away. Cyber-bullying is a new and very real threat to kids and teens. There are several ways that young people bully others online. They include sending email or instant messages containing insults or threats, or even building web sites to target specific students or teachers. If you suspect your child is being cyber-bullied, consider contacting any/all of the following depending on the severity of the threats: the school, local police, and/or your ISP.

Share Information

Help minimize your child’s risk of taking a wrong turn on the information superhighway. Share the information and strategies they need to keep safe and be prepared, and “net-proof” your family.

Rob Stringer is a parent coach & educator. You can rate your “net-proofing” skills, and access his free monthly newsletter by visiting www.ParentingWithIntention.ca.